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varies and has changed through the years, but currently I’ve been with Ian for almost five years and we’ve both been dating Amanda—who’s married to someone living out of state—since earlier this year.I also have partners of various stripes in New York City, but sadly I don’t get to see them as often due to the distance.In conversations, we examine our feelings and are honest about their roots, and we are accountable for how our feelings impact others.

Meeting poly people in the flesh gave me firsthand experience with how this kind of thing could work, and my ravenous online research and tendency toward introspection helped immensely.

That, among other things, meant heterosexual monogamy was not questioned, and that any consideration of the world beyond stayed firmly in the realm of the theoretical.

I wouldn’t have predicted I’d end up a happily and respectfully polyamorous person (who is openly queer, to boot).

called "Scenes From a (Group) Marriage." The main characters were John and Nan, a married pair of well-educated professionals living in the suburbs of New Jersey.

Influenced by an idea called "radical honesty," they admitted that they weren't satisfied by monogamy but also didn't want to end up as ordinary philanderers.


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